The End…

{ September 8, 2008 @ 10:58 am } · { What Is In My Head }
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Well this journey is coming to a close and I am in a whirlwind of emotions…yesterday I enjoyed a nice scrub down at the local himam and today I am taking my last shopping trip in the market. I am looking around me thinking to myself…I am really going to miss Africa. When I am in Newberg I don’t get to look out my window and see camels standing in the distance, or when Im driving I don’t have to slow down because there is a donkey cart in the road. When I go shopping at the mall I don’t barter with each clerk to see who will give me the best deal. Though some of those things are a bit annoying, they are what make this place that I have created a life in SO unique. I love who I am here…thinking, learning, growing, loving people, respecting cultures, creatively coming up with things to do.

Life is always changing. No matter how hard you try, what is your reality today, will not be the exact same reality tomorrow. I believe once we accept that concept and embrace it, we get to enjoy our experiences so much more and we learn from each one 100 times more than we would if we resisted the changes.

I am going home…and through these next few days I am going to reflect on not only what I have learned and experienced, but I am going to reflect on who I have become through it all. I am still crazy, emotional, a bit strange and nerdy, but I would also like to think I am a bit wiser, more controlled and a bit less complicated (One can only hope J ) because of this African Adventure.

What do you do In Africa for fun??

{ August 28, 2008 @ 12:40 pm } · { Creative Juices }
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You Go Kite Surfing…

Play Football on the Beach…

EAT…

Beach Volleyball…

HENNA!!! (girls here like to spend time getting pretty)

EAT!! (haha)

Africa is slow paced, which is why I love it SO much. It is a world Americans have to literally work hard to adapt to. HOWEVER I have fallen in love with it. Though there are NO movie theatres, NO malls, NO fast food places…there are always friends and you can always find something to do! That is a valuable lesson to learn. I just hope this mindset sticks with me.

A Trip…African Style

{ August 26, 2008 @ 1:16 pm } · { Experience }
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Paul and I recently went “camping” with a family who’s father is important to the success and easy flowing functioning of Equinoxe. In this family there are three girls, a mom and dad and a few cousins who are young boys that do a lot of the extra work for the family. There are so many things in life that I have done or situations I have been in where I feel insecure, frustrated or awkward…but to date, this experience is at the top of the awkward list. I was in the Sahara, sand at my feet, a restricting milafa wrapped around my body causing me to trip whenever I walk, around me…easily 100 Arab men and women staring at me, whispering about me and wondering why I was there. Not one person spoke English, not one person understood what it was that I was saying when I said I didn’t want to eat anymore rice, or dance, or sing…they kept asking me in the little French I knew to entertain them, laugh and sing. It was fun for a while but after the third, fourth and fifth times…Lets just say I realized how a fish out of the water feels.

We drove out with a goat and a sheep strapped to the top of our car…about 150 kilometers into the lands of Mauritania we drove. As soon as we got there the car was unloaded, we were greated with tea and smiles. The goat was immediately taken to the side and it’s throat was slit and they begin to tear it a part to prepare it to eat! I was NOT in Kansas anymore J We ate and ate and laughed (because we couldn’t talk) and we laid around under this large open tent. It was an experience but once I felt comfortable it was relaxing and really fun! Then…the three daughters wanted me to go with them to a wedding…OH a wedding…I have been to weddings in Mauritania, but this was a new village, new people, and NO English…

Under a Large tent, lights and a video camera women in their best milafas danced, the men in their booboos throwing money on the women dancing. Music playing and yelling, women on one side, men on the other. Colors, smoke and whispers all around me, but I don’t understand anything. Overwhelmed with anxiety and still the feeling of joy…to be in a place, a situation that I had never been in before and may never be in again. I was standing with these people who were accepting me as their friend and letting me experience a part of their life. It was a beautiful moment.

As the trip went on I realized how safe I felt but in the midst of such a vulnerable situation…I was in a village with people I barely knew, they spoke a language I didn’t know and I was walking around, going places with them not even realizing where I was or who was around me. I LOVE this feeling of security but still adventure and unknowing.

A walk through

{ August 18, 2008 @ 3:21 pm } · { Experience }
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Politics are all the people of Mauritania are discussing today. After the coup people began to think about their country, their future, their families and their lives overall. They are having to face issues such as extreme poverty, malnutrition, racism, segregation, lack of a decent education, government corruption and pollution. Though this seems like just a list of issues to some of you, these are situations that I have seen, experienced and thought to myself…”How do these people survive all of this at once?”Sometimes in the morning I walk down the dirt road outside of my house, on what I consider a voyage to the comfort of the café. Though the mere 2 mile walk is nothing in the eyes of those who I pass who make a journey 5 times as long coming AND going, it is always full of experience and frustration to me. AS my feet drag in the sand and I try to keep my mouth closed so it doesn’t fill with Sahara love, I observe the different people I pass. As a brand new BMW drives by me, it passes a young boy and his brother riding on the back of a donkey cart…both trying to share the road. The “salesman” on my left stare at me as though I’m the new Hybrid car with a trash powered engine and I’m some sort of a phenomenon. Though I love taking my time, strolling and listening to Norah Jones on my I-pod, I am on my guard, keeping my eyes open and making sure the 2 to 4 lanes of traffic don’t swerve to hit me. 

The women on the street in dirty milafas holding their youngest children in their laps just stare at me as I pass them. I always battle with myself, should I smile at the or not? Since when did smiling become offensive? When I do smile they look at me as though they had never seen a smile before, they hesitate and then out of the corner of their mouth…a slight grin. As soon as it escapes their mouth they realize that they are uncomfortable and they retract.With sweat dripping down my head, back and legs I attempt to stay invisible with the whole world looking right at me. Taxi’s honking hoping to be the taxi I choose. Men passing me, looking at me as though I was their main dish at the outback steak house. Though danger is not even present I pick up my pace and walk more briskly to my destination with feelings of anxiety and confusion. Where am I?

 

 

 

Learned Helplessness

{ August 12, 2008 @ 2:42 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I have been doing research for a friend and I wanted to share what I have been learning. It s all social work related, but it can apply to anyone’s life, just apply it to any situation you can relate to…

 

Helplessness through Fear

Fear comes in many forms. The reaction of fear is the reaction that we see with a consequence or an outcome that is more times negative than positive. Sometimes fear is a precaution, a good instinct to hold onto, but often we allow that fear to control us more than we control it.

Freezing – Freezing is a common reaction of fear. The freezing reaction varies depending on the shock intensity, duration, and number of times shocked. All which alter with the experience one has with fear. Sensors produce fear (something scares you), this leads to conditioning of intense fear to stimuli present at the time of the shock, you make a mental note of the elements about the situation that caused you fear (smells, pictures, words etc…), the stimuli provoke intense fear as a conditioned response from that point on.

 

 

Break the “I-give-up” habit

Two Ways of Looking at Life/Learned Optimism : How to Change Your Mind and Your Life (Vintage)/by Martin E. Seligman, Ph.D.

Learned Optimism

is both profound and practical-and valuable for every phase of life.

These skills can help break up depression, boost your immune system, better develop your potential, and make you happier.

 

The optimists and the pessimists

: The defining characteristic of pessimists is that they tend to believe bad events will last a long time, will undermine everything they do. and are their own fault. The optimists, who are confronted with the same hard knocks of this world, think about misfortune in the opposite way. They tend to believe defeat is just a temporary setback, that its causes are confined to this one case. The optimists believe defeat is not their fault: Circumstances, bad luck, or other people brought it about. Such people are unfazed by defeat. Confronted by a bad situation, they perceive it as a challenge and try harder.

These two habits of thinking about causes have consequences. pessimists give up more easily and get depressed more often…optimists do much better in school and college, at work and on the playing field. Pessimism however is escapable. Pessimists can in fact learn to be optimists by learning a new set of cognitive skills. Make the choice to look at your setbacks in a new light.

 

What we learn today:

When an individual expects that nothing she does matters, she will become helpless and thus fail to initiate any action. Successful actions flow from a sense of self-efficacy. Individuals generate and monitor their own actions, reinforce themselves, and correct their unsuccessful actions. Individuals decide among goals and choose the most highly preferred.

Politics

{ August 10, 2008 @ 4:52 pm } · { What Is In My Head }
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Though my chosen profession is greatly affected by the policies and decisions that our government makes, I have not been one to be passionately involved in the political circle. RECENTLY however, due to a Coup De Ta I have become forced to care more about international policy, governmental systems and oppression and I have learned more about what OUR government issues are just by listening to the many heated debates that go on around me. From the Conservative guys in the Army to the Liberal humanitarian workers, everyone has an opinion and it is not to be taken lightly.

What I have learned so far…

I thought I was a full blown Obama supporter. He is an amazing man with a freshness and he approaches situations with creativity and passion. I agree with many of his positions such as creating change for the middle and lower classes in society. He is a man of the people. His love for diversity, but respect for keeping the sanctity of the American spirit is good and gives me confidence in his ability to understand the people of America as a whole.

HOWEVER…. He recently has let me down with his position on Fossil Fuels and a lack for the bigger picture. So I am confused.

I think that so often we become conflicted with the ideas of politics we (we meaning the middle class Americans to busy making money and living to be obsessed with the elections) just go with the candidate who we feel we don’t mind identifying with and vote for them. How much research do we do? How much actual caring does the average American do?

 

A Coup in a Democracy

{ August 7, 2008 @ 1:36 pm } · { Experience }
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Yesterday I woke up to my friend Moe’s phone call asking me if I had heard the news. My windows were open, the sun was shining, the breeze blowing threw the curtains and I still had sleep in my eyes. What news?…The president was put in jail, there was a Coup. OF COURSE there was (I thought), while I was dreaming of rain, green trees and Dutch Brothers, the government was overthrown. Isn’t that dangerous (I asked)? But Moe says…nothing to worry about. So I began to ask questions like everyone else and their mother. I find the following details from decently reliable sources…
1. No one liked the president. Basically he was making big mistakes with the public and with those who once supported him. He didn’t communicate, he didn’t follow the system democracy lays out, and he became sneaky/corrupt.

2. The Prime Minister and the President were double crossing those who originally supported them (Military leaders etc…). These were the men who lead the coup….interesting. Lesson: don’t piss off military leaders!!!

3. The people in charge of the military were trying to get the president out using democratic means, but the president was trying to sabotage what he could of the government before he was kicked out…so they had to act fast. Thus the urgency and unexpectedness of the coup.

4. The president’s wife stole a lot of money from the government and was very power hungry. She too will soon be in jail.

 

What I have learned is that there are different levels of freedom. This country is supposed to be one of democracy and freedom…there is supposed to not be slavery, racism or segregation. Though there are rules that are followed and ideas of how things SHOULD function in Mauritania, the country functions on the unsaid, the not spoken and the “this is just what we do” principals. For example…When I am driving around with a “white Moore” particularly a man, and we get stopped by the police (because the police stop people at random) they ask for money. Not id, not a license, not car papers, but for money. The interesting part was that this particular Arab man had NO paper, LICENSE or anything. He banks on the fact that they don’t care about anything but money.

The Mauritanian government has been trying for years to create a democratic government. This is next to impossible with people in power who still think in traditional suppressive ways. The saddest part is that the PEOPLE just go with it. They have to. They have no room for reason or free thinking when they are told, this is how things are going to be…and since we (the government) control the money in this country and your freedom you have to deal with it. It is a hypocritical, suppressive government that is going to fail if they don’t get those who are completely ignorant and power hungry out of their position of control and power!

I am not one to be very politically minded, but I do know that when a country says that there is NO slavery, NO racism and they preach democracy, shouldn’t the people be free, not segregated against and have a say in what goes on in their country??

(I would have taken pictures…but if a police officer sees a camera, he will take it. you can’t take pictures of them…freedom?? :-)

New Life…

{ August 4, 2008 @ 2:36 pm } · { Experience }
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Today I went to see a brand new baby. 3 days old. Laying in a wool blanket, his skin peeling, flies all around him. The tent that the family lived in was nicer than they had ever lived in before, but it was covered in dirt, flies…the had next to nothing and their clothes were all kept in suit cases. Life for the most part for them was good…but I couldnt help but think, how can peple be ok living in these conditions? Cultures are SO different. Even cultures that live in the same city. I have experienced the weathy side of Mauritania, but not often the poor. The difference, is that those who have little, seem to have everything. They are truely happy and satisfied with the little they have. It is a beautiful thing!!

Learning what I need to Learn

{ July 25, 2008 @ 2:02 pm } · { Uncategorized }
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I have always been one who has wanted to control ever piece of my life. People, situations and thoughts have always been entities that I have tried to control mold and make into what I want them to be. This pattern however has made me reach a point of misery that is unbearable at times. I break down and realize…I CANT DO IT! So… I’m not going to anymore. Of course there is the inevitable human nature that gets in the way, but I think I will be able to have a better perspective on life if I choose to just let things happen without trying to control them. I have had many conversations with Paul (my uncle) about this subject. He has been so good to me with encouragement and support. He says that he has recently learned that we CANT do it alone…we CANT control…that is not our job…it is God’s. Isn’t that what Faith and Trust is all about?

I have met SO many people here who I know God placed in my life to teach me. A friend and I recently had a conversation about the nature of God. I have found that I am searching for WHO God is to me…but he reminded me that no matter how much I think, search or question…the NATURE of God doesn’t change. He is a forgiving, loving perfect God. When He was on this earth He was the ultimate example of who we should strive to be. Though I fail and fall over and over, forgiveness and understanding will be there waiting for me. How cool is that? J This idea leads me to begin thinking…what IS my nature like? Hmmm I don’t know yet… I’ll get back to you on that!

“International Women”

{ July 21, 2008 @ 6:26 pm } · { What Is In My Head }
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I have met the woman of my dreams …don’t worry, I mean I have met the person i have been praying and asking God to bring into my life to encourage me, to love me and to help me with my perspective on life. Tara arrived 3 days ago and is leaving in 2 days, but I have found that she came in a time where I need someone, who doesn’t know me, to tell it like it is. She is honest with me, encourages me to seek peace and God in that peace. We have SO much fun together and she has helped me see what an “International Women” really is. It is a beautiful thing to have a sense of independence from conformity and American life when you come to another world. There is an amazing sense of discovery, growth and peace that is to be found when You are completely out of your element, in a country where you don’t know the language…new customs, new ways of doing things….and then to be a WOMAN and enter this environment & world alone is next to greatness.

 

 

Though I still don’t know what life has in store…I DO know that I want to be ONLY what God wants me to be. Never have I felt so much clarity and at the same time been more passionate about anything. You can always find love…you can make friends anywhere…but how often do you find a purpose and satisfaction?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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